Random Innkeeper Generator

Your players have been travelling through the wilderness for days, braving the vagaries of wild animals, natural disaster and hunger. Finally, they come across civilisation, and naturally enough the first place they want to go is the pub. Standing behind the bar is...

1 - A deaf, mute and illiterate innkeeper. He can only be communicated with by gesture, and generally interprets every order as "Ale".
2 - A monstrous inkeeper. Roll a d8 to determine type: 1 - Troll; 2 - Orc; 3 - Mongrelman; 4 - Hobgoblin; 5 - Kobold; 6 - Ogre; 7 - Kenku; 8 - Gnoll.
3 - A pair of conjoined twin innkeepers.
4 - An irresistibly beautiful/handsome innkeeper.
5 - An innkeeper without a: 1 - Nose; 2 - Tongue; 3 - Left Arm; 4 - Right Arm; 5 - Left Leg; 6 - Right Leg.
6 - An 7' tall innkeeper.
7 - A 4' tall innkeeper.
8 - An innkeeper with a pet, which he is constantly throwing scraps and which is patently not properly tamed: 1 - Wolf; 2 - Hawk; 3 - Lynx; 4 - Bear; 5 - Cougar; 6 - Viper; 7 - Boar: 8 - Monkey.
9 - An elven innkeeper.
10 - An innkeeper who insists on taking a sip from every drink he serves in the interests of 'quality control'.
11 - An innkeeper who insists that customers have to beat him in an arm-wrestle in order to be served; even if they lose he usually serves them anyway.
12 - An innkeeper who occasionally murders travellers while they are sleeping and serves their body parts to his customers, masquerading as 'pork chops'.
13 - An innkeeper who is 85 years old.
14 - An innkeeper who lets the local farmyard animals - cows, horses, chickens, pigs - come and go through his establishment, which reeks of manure.
15 - A dwarven innkeeper.
16 - An innkeeper who drools uncontrollably; his spittle has a 5% chance of dripping into each drink he serves.
17 - An innkeeper who is secretly a werewolf. Roll a d30; on a roll of 30 it's the full moon that night and he's about to go on the rampage.
18 - An innkeeper who is secretly a polymorphed dragon, observing humanity 'up close and personal'.
19 - An innkeeper with a beard so long it touches the floor.
20 - An innkeeper with three eyes.