Japan has a new government, a huge typhoon is on the way; chaos and madness are upon us. But never fear, here I am again, ready to ramble on and on about stuff tangentially related to role playing games. Today, Gulliver's Travels.
Gulliver's Travels is political/societal satire, this we know, but I'm sure you'll agree it's just as interesting and entertaining to envisage it as straight fantasy. One of my favourite episodes from the book is Gulliver's sinister encounter with the Struldbrugs, which is available online here. A Struldbrug is a rare citizen of Luggnagg who was born with eternal life, but not eternal youth, and is thus condemned to old age unto infinity:
[T]hey commonly acted like mortals till about thirty years old; after which, by degrees, they grew melancholy and dejected, increasing in both till they came to fourscore [...] When they came to fourscore years, which is reckoned the extremity of living in this country, they had not only all the follies and infirmities of other old men, but many more which arose from the dreadful prospect of never dying. They were not only opinionative, peevish, covetous, morose, vain, talkative, but incapable of friendship, and dead to all natural affection, which never descended below their grandchildren. Envy and impotent desires are their prevailing passions.
But those objects against which their envy seems principally directed, are the vices of the younger sort and the deaths of the old. By reflecting on the former, they find themselves cut off from all possibility of pleasure; and whenever they see a funeral, they lament and repine that others have gone to a harbour of rest to which they themselves never can hope to arrive. They have no remembrance of anything but what they learned and observed in their youth and middle-age, and even that is very imperfect; and for the truth or particulars of any fact, it is safer to depend on common tradition, than upon their best recollections. The least miserable among them appear to be those who turn to dotage, and entirely lose their memories; these meet with more pity and assistance, because they want many bad qualities which abound in others.
[...]
As soon as they have completed the term of eighty years, they are looked on as dead in law; their heirs immediately succeed to their estates; only a small pittance is reserved for their support; and the poor ones are maintained at the public charge. After that period, they are held incapable of any employment of trust or profit; they cannot purchase lands, or take leases; neither are they allowed to be witnesses in any cause, either civil or criminal, not even for the decision of meers and bounds.
At ninety, they lose their teeth and hair; they have at that age no distinction of taste, but eat and drink whatever they can get, without relish or appetite. The diseases they were subject to still continue, without increasing or diminishing. In talking, they forget the common appellation of things, and the names of persons, even of those who are their nearest friends and relations. For the same reason, they never can amuse themselves with reading, because their memory will not serve to carry them from the beginning of a sentence to the end; and by this defect, they are deprived of the only entertainment whereof they might otherwise be capable.
The most compelling and interesting of Gulliver's comments comes at the end of the chapter:
I could not but agree, that the laws of this kingdom relative to the STRULDBRUGS were founded upon the strongest reasons, and such as any other country would be under the necessity of enacting, in the like circumstances. Otherwise, as avarice is the necessary consequence of old age, those immortals would in time become proprietors of the whole nation, and engross the civil power, which, for want of abilities to manage, must end in the ruin of the public.
It makes me want to imagine a society in which Struldbrugs or those like them are indeed the rulers; without the laws which legally declare them to be dead at 80, they have gradually accrued the wealth of the entire nation and now use it only to dispose of their envious, avaricious and senile whims. You'd obviously have to tone down the effects of their malaise a little (for example, their short and long term memory loss) to make it at least vaguely believable that the Struldbrugs could have the wherewithal to do anything at all, no matter how capricious.
It sounds a bit like something that might be found in Planescape, somewhere in the Outlands maybe. This is reinforced by the fact that Planescape contains two sects who are a little like the Struldbrugs: the Incantifers, incredibly ancient and ever-living wanderers who exist only to accumulate all the magical knowledge of the multiverse; and the Prolongers, who steal the life-force of others to perpetuate their own. Perhaps the two could be merged into a society of venile old sages whose only aim is to accumulate magical power, and who in order to do so drain other peoples' life forces to prolong their own existence indefinitely. They are senile and governed almost entirely by whim, but have so much sheer magical might that they can never be supplanted.
Except maybe by a group of intrepid adventurers, of course.
[Apologies for the lack of posting the last few days. We visited the in-laws, in darkest Tohoku, where internet access is patchy at best.]
I've been reading Pathfinders: A Global History of Exploration by Felipe Fernandez-Arnesto recently. It's an excellent overview of human explorers from prehistoric times to the current day, with the bulk naturally focused on the Iberian voyages of the 15th and 16th centuries, though I confess to a slight irritation at the author. (Fernandez-Arnesto believes that it was the poverty of Western Europe, especially Iberia, which caused the burst in exploration and colonisation - not technological advances - and that this is generally the rule around the world. Fair enough, but it leads him to be overly dismissive of other factors, such as personal bravery - Vasco da Gama for example is portrayed as a fool and an incompetent who could barely tell his arse from his elbow, which simply doesn't square with his achievements. There are also a heck of a lot of unsourced assertions throughout the book; whatever happened to popular history books with actual bibliographies?) You can also quibble about whether mass migrations such as the Polynesian colonisation of the Pacific, however impressive, really qualify as "exploration" in the same sense that Magellan's voyage did.
But anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent. Reading the book has given me an idea: Animal fantasy in the Age of Sail. Think of it. European animals (Rabbits and lynx from Spain and Portugal, Hares and foxes from the British Isles, frogs from France) venturing across the mighty ocean on cogs and caravels, discovering strange foreign lands populated by weird and unimagined beings (quolls, bandicoots and wombats in Australia, dholes and cobras in India, ocelots and caymans in South America) and getting up to all kinds of hijinks.
It surprises me that there isn't a game, much less a series of novels, about this. (There may be and I'm just not aware of it, of course.) It seems so obvious.
Anyway, I'm of the growing opinion that the world needs more Animal Fantasy role playing games, if only to seize the ground back from the furries - who as we all know are the lowest of all the many forms of geek, sitting just below LARPers and people who write stories about Kirk and Spock naked bedtopwrestling.
More thoughts on this tomorrow. By which I mean Animal Fantasy, not Star Trek slash fiction. Just to be clear.
[More Zephyrs to come, but I saw one of these buggers yesterday crossing the pavement bold as you like and just had to stat one up.]
Gejigeji
The gejigeji are a species of giant hunting centipede-like creatures with 15 pairs of legs and powerful poisons. They are found throughout Yoon-Suin, from the mangroves around the Yellow City all the way to the foothills of the Mountains of the Moon. Wild they are nocturnal predators, but they are frequently domesticated - prized as one of the few creatures which naturally preys on giant velvet worms.
Gejigeji are voracious creatures which exist only to hunt, kill and eat. They are horridly fast, efficient and remorseless, using their excellent eyesight and long antenna to pinpoint victims. They have four modified legs arrayed around their head which they use to inject paralysing poison - strictly speaking a sting, rather than a bite. (Victims must save vs. poison or be permanently paralysed. This paralysis can only be healed by a cure disease or wish spell.)
Armour Class: 3
Hit Dice: 4+4*
Move: 180' (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/1 sting
Damage: 2d4/paralysis
No. Appearing: 1
Save As: F4
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 1
Alignment: Neutral
XP: 200
Posting about John Howe, playing in Blizack's excellent Dragon Warriors game, and reading through my recently purchased Pendragon 5th Edition rules, has rekindled my love of proper European, more specifically British, folklore.
For some reason certain sections of the fantasy literature crowd (particularly those on the left) have looked down their noses at anything drawing on such fare, calling it derivative, conversative, pastoral and reactionary. (Mostly this is directed at Tolkien.) I say those people are agitprop-obsessed idiots. I have, however, fallen prey in recent years to a disdain for 'eurocentric' fantasy - it's partly what creating Yoon-Suin was motivated by. Now that I've scratched that itch, however, I think I'm ready to go back to the fold. I am after all a European, raised in England, of Scots-Irish parents. European mythology is my heritage, by God. Screw Sword & Sorcery and High Fantasy, I want Romance!
Here's a 25 word blurb for what I'd like to do:
Scotland, heaths, moors, meadows, celts, picts, redcaps, giants, knights, romanticism, chivalry, nockers, boggarts, Tolkien, Mallory, faeries, devils, enchantresses, dragons, castles, wizard-knight, Lewis, woodwoses, fauns, menhirs.
Sounds like either Pendragon or MERP, really.
My favourite fantasy artists, I would say, are Tony Diterlizzi, Larry Elmore, John Blanche and John Howe. I think that what these illustrators have in common is a thorough grasp of understatedness; even in their grandest moments none of them ever stray into the evil empire of Over The Top. (Except when Elmore gets carried away with the female chest area, and frankly if you have a problem with him doing that I have a problem with you.)
This is the major turn off for me of post-TSR D&D art, I have decided. The loss of the understated.
My current desktop picture is this John Howe masterwork. You don't get more understated than this picture, but I defy anyone to look at it and not want to step inside that room, and then out that door and into the glorious world beyond. The fact that this effect is achieved without the presence of a single person is testament to the skill in composition. Shine on John Howe, you crazy Silmarillion-esque diamond.
Nether Hound
These ghostly canine forms seem to seep the world of colour and leech the air of all warmth as they move. They are the embodiment of death itself.
Their breath weapon is a cone of energy draining akin to the touch of a wight. Nobody knows the fate of those who lose all of their life force to a nether hound.
Armour Class: 1
Hit Dice: 10*
Move: 150'(50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claw
Damage: 1d10/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F8
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 6
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 1,750
Light Hound
These beings shine with an unearthly brilliance, a blinding radiance which never dims. They are impossible to look upon directly.
They breathe beams of light so concentrated that it burns the skin (2d6 damage, no saving throw; victim is blinded for 1d6 turns). Opponents suffer a -2 penalty on all their attack rolls against a light hound.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 5+2**
Move: 180'(60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d6/1d4/1d4
Breath: 30'x2'
No. Appearing: 3d6
Save As: F4
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 575
Dark Hound
The opposite of their cousins the light hounds, these canine beings are created not from blackness but from the absence of light itself. They are shadows of infinite depth, so purely dark that to look upon one is to feel that you are not seeing the hound so much as you are seeing its invisibility.
They breathe clouds of darkness as per the wizard spell. Dark hounds themselves are unaffected.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 5+2*
Move: 180'(60')
Attacks: 1 bite/ 2 claws
Damage: 1d6/1d4/1d4
Breathcloud: 30'x30'x30'
No. Appearing: 3d6
Save As: F4
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 400
Acid Hound
Corrosion made real, acid hounds melt the earth and stone beneath their feet and wilt vegetation; they continually ooze burning liquid and toxic fumes, and are accompanied everywhere by the gases which their corrosive touch creates.
Their breath weapon is a cone of acid which melts metal and flesh. (4d6 damage, saving throw for half. If the victim is wearing armour each hit permanently reduces AC by 1 until no armour remains.) Any normal weapon which hits an acid hound does regular damage but is thereafter rendered useless and corroded.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 6+6**
Move: 150'(50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d8/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F5
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 6
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 950
Plasma Hound
These hounds are among the most powerful of all; they are composed not of elemental material but of the very energy which creates those elements. Reality itself warps around them as they move; their sheer presence is enough to bend and twist the phlogiston from which the world is made.
They breathe balls of plasma which disrupt the fabric of creation, equivalent to an explosive cloud spell.
Armour Class: 0
Hit Dice: 14+14*
Move: 150' (50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 2d8/1d10/1d10
Breathcloud: Special (see spell description)
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F10
Morale: 9
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 6
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 2,700
Earth Hound
Earth hounds seem to be composed of solid rock, yet they move with strange grace. Their eyes sparkle like gemstones.
Earth hounds breathe a storm of rock shards which slice through skin, metal and bone alike (3d6, no saving throw). They can cast passwall at will.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 6+6*
Move: 150' (50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d8/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F5
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 650
Air Hound
Swirling vapours are all that these creatures seem to be created from, and they float through the air like the most immaterial of clouds. Noxious gases accompany them, stinging the eyes and throat.
Air hounds breathe clouds of poisonous gas, the equivalent of a stinking cloud spell.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 6+6*
Move: 180' (60') (Fly)
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d6/1d4/1d4
Breathcloud: 30'x30'x30'
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F5
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 650
Chaos Hound
These beings take on an ever-changing, immaterial form which at once appears to be a table, an elephant, a snake, a cup, a cloud, and everything else that exists. And yet somehow they always seems to do so in the shape of a hound.
Chaos hounds breathe a cone of chaos, which combines the effects of a confusion and polymorph other spell. Victims are polymorphed into a random creature (roll on random dungeon encounter table, level 1).
Armour Class: 1
Hit Dice: 10+10
Move: 180'(60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d10/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F9
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 1,900
More zephyr hounds tomorrow, but I feel compelled to comment on the retreading of Dark Sun which is to be released for D&D 4e next year.
My comment: I don't give a shit and I feel bad about even saying as much, because even by spreading the news in my tiny corner of blogland, I am in some very small way contributing to the ridiculous atmosphere of giddy fanboyism surrounding WotC releases; it makes my skin crawl to read rpg.net threads and imagine grown men, grown men, typing things like "Hot Sex. Original boxed set timeline? Amazing win," and "Ohgodwantnow That is an amazingly hot and sexy cover," and not joking but actually being serious.
(I also feel a little bit bad about urinating like this over the genuine excitement of people who are probably very nice in real life. But, eh.)
Anyway. Dark Sun will be released for 4e. This is a little bit like somebody rushing up to tell me that the new Filtermeister(tm) pond filter Model FM 3000, specifically designed for koi carp enthusiasts, is about to come out. Which is to say, short of actually hitting me over the head with the campaign setting book, you couldn't do a whole lot to get me even slightly interested in its existence.
Fire Hound
Fire hounds are composed entirely of scorching, crackling flame; they emit continual and powerful heat which sets alight flammable objects and sears the skin of those around them. Their breath weapon is a jet of pure flame which does 3d6 damage (successful saving throw for half).
If a fire hound passes within a yard of any flammable object, there is a 10% chance the object will catch fire. All fire hound attacks do +1 damage from burns.
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 5+5*
Move: 180' (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d8+1/1d6+1/1d6+1
Breathjet: 30'x2'
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F5
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 1
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 400
Time Hound
These hounds exist within and beyond time itself; they appear simultaneously as a puppy and a toothless old cur and everything in between. Their movements are impossible to predict, as they transfer themselves in and out of our timeline with impunity.
Their breath weapon is a cloud of time disruption, which ages all of those affected by 10 years - or causes them to lose an equivalent amount (15% chance) - a successful saving throw reduces this to 5 years. The hounds can move from one timeline to another at will, which is the equivalent of a dimension door spell. Time hounds always win initiative and always surprise their opponents.
Armour Class: 0
Hit Dice: 11+11**
Move: 180' (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d12/1d8/1d8
Breathcloud: 30'x30'x30'
No. Appearing: 2d4
Save As: F10
Morale: 9
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 9
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 3,000
Clear Hound
Clear hounds are the weakest of zephyrs, immaterial things so faint as to be almost nonexistent. But this very weakness is their great strength, as it makes them invisible to the naked eye - they can only be seen by those with infravision. They have no breath weapon.
Armour Class: 5
Hit Dice: 2+2*
Move: 180' (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d6/1d4/1d4
No. Appearing: 2d8
Save As: F2
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 35
Energy Hound
Energy hounds are composed of pure electrical energy; they crackle and vibrate as they move, filling the air with static. They breath bolts of lightning (3d6 damage).
Every blow dealt to an energy hound does d4 electrical damage to the attacker if the weapon is metal.
Armour Class: 5
Hit Dice: 4+4**
Move: 180' (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d8/1d6/1d6
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F4
Morale: 7
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 275
Zephyr Hounds are summoned by powerful sorcerers from strange and distant planes of existence. They come in many varieties, but they always take on a similar form - that of an unearthly large wolfhound with loping gait and ferocious aspect. Most have dragon-like breath weapons.
They are most commonly employed as guardians by their masters, but they are intelligent and wild, and sometimes manaage to break the sorcerous bonds which hold them. These masterless hounds can sometimes be found lurking in wilderness areas.
All Zephyr Hounds can use their breath weapon five times per day.
Inertia Hound
Inertia hounds are a pale grey colour. To the naked eye they hardly appear to move, and yet they do so with great speed. It is said that even to look at one is enough to drain a person of all energy. Their breath weapon is a powerful slow spell, with no saving throw permitted. They always win initiative.
Armour Class: 3
HD: 8+8*
Move: 150' (50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 2d6/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F6
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 6
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 1,400
Impact Hound
Impact hounds are a deep, dark brown, with amber coloured eyes. They seem to radiate force; just to be in one's presence is enough to cause physical pain. Even their footsteps crack stone and compress the earth beneath them. Their breath weapon is a disintegrating blast which can shatter walls. (Acts as a disintegrate spell.)
Foes of an impact hound are never surprised - the creature's footsteps can always be heard within at least 100'.
Armour Class: 2
HD: 10*
Move: 150 (50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 2d8/1d8/1d8
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d4
Save As: F6
Morale: 9
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 1,750
Gravity Hound
These creatures use gravity as their tool and plaything, walking freely on walls and ceilings and effortlessly manipulating reality itself. They can levitate at will and their breath weapon is the equivalent of a reverse gravity spell. They are immune to any spell or spell-like effect which manipulates gravity.
Armour Class: 3
Hit Dice: 8+8**
Move: 150'(50')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 2d6/1d6/1d6
Breathcloud: 30'x30'x30'
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F6
Morale: 9
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 6
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 2,025
Water Hound
These hounds seem to be composed entirely of swirling, sloshing water which somehow never spills from their dog-like form. But with each step they take they leave pools of water behind them. They reek of brine.
The breath weapon of a water hound is a jet of ice-cold salt water which does 2d6 damage and stuns the victim for 1d6 turns (successful saving throw for half).
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 6+6*
Move: 180 (60')
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d10/1d6/1d6
Breathcone: 30'x10'
No. Appearing: 2d6
Save As: F6
Morale: 8
Treasure: Nil
Intelligence: 3
Alignment: Neutral
XP Value: 650
[Tomorrow, fire hounds, time hounds, clear hounds and energy hounds.]
