Tuesday 24 September 2024

They're Eating the Apostrophes


Patrick Stuart has a new Kickstarter in the offing - and he has managed to reveal himself as having the testicular fortitude of a leviathan in the process: the new book will be a novel, not a game.

Why does this require special gumption? Because, as has long been my theory, the Truth That Dare Not Speak Its Name about RPG designers, and particularly OSR ones, is that they would dearly love to be fantasy novelists but: a) don't have the wherewithal; b) are scared to take the plunge; c) are put off by the gamekeepy nature of contemporary publishing.

Patrick is here making a sincere and concerted effort to show the way, and to reveal the rest of us to be cowards, charlatans and shams in the process. And he should be applauded as a visionary and pioneer.

With the compliments out of the way, though, let me make an additional comment: the title of Patrick's proposed book is nothing short of a travesty. He has called it Queen Mabs [sic] Palace. Not Queen Mab's Palace. But Mabs. Queen Mabs. 

He needs to be told that this is an insult to the English language. He needs to be told that if he doesn't like apostrophes he should go and live in Hungary or Finland or South Korea or some other lamentable place where apostrophes are not understood or known. He needs to be made aware that the Queen, the real queen, the forever queen, Elizabeth II - and probably Elizabeth I as well, not to mention Mary and Anne - is rolling in her grave at the thought that her rules of grammar should be traduced in this way. This is the language of Shakespeare, Patrick. The language of Spenser. The language of Chaucer. Of Eliot. Of Hardy. Of Fitzgerald. Of Hemingway. Of Proust. Well, not Proust. But all of the others, and more. All of those people saw fit to obey the rules of English grammar as they pertained to the apostrophe, Patrick. And you think you are above them. This is wrong. Repent. And hope that you will be forgiven.

Queen Mab's Palace will be backable from October 1st. Back it. But let its author know that apostrophes matter, and his wanton disregard for them is part of what is leading us into societal decline. 

18 comments:

  1. I mean, Earl's Court, Barons Court, tomayto, tomahto.

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  2. The language of McCarthy...oh, wait.

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  3. Chaucer? A quick check shows that the apostrophe wasn't used in the possessive until the end of the sixteenth century. Maybe " Fie on possession,
    But if a man be vertuous withal" is more appropriate.

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  4. Possibly a palace inhabited by multiple Queens Mab, who can tell

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  5. I think you meant "gatekeepy." Not that I'm arguing the point. I think the larger problem is that it's getting harder and harder to make a living as a writer and consequently writing filters for people who don't need the money and thus write for themselves or literary elites. Which makes it hard for anyone who just wants to write escapism.

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    1. Yes, gatekeepy. I genuinely thought I'd written that!

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  6. As all right thinking people know: there is more than one Queen Mab (Titania not withstanding). So, if I may edit the editor, the proper title becomes "Queen Mabs' Palaces"

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    1. Perhaps somebody could write a book containing many dungeons, each of which a different Queen Mab's Palace.

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  7. Ha! Sad. Personally, I'm far more offended by apostrophe's that shouldn't be there than I am by one's that are mis'sing. And it's not all that uncommon for proper names to drop the apostrophe (Waterstones etc). As long as it's grokkable, I don't really care.

    Funnily enough, I've just got back from a talk by the author Nicholas Royle (or, more accurately, by *one of* the authors Nicholas Royle) in which he was mildly peeved that the Telegraph's review of his latest book called him "the bibliophile's bibliophile" - he said that he would much rather be "the bibliophiles' bibliophile". Tricksy things, apostrophes!

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    1. I really object to Waterstones doing that. They sell books, FFS.

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    2. It used to annoy the hell out of me too. Nowadays, meh, there's just so much more out there to get annoyed about, missing apostrophes almost give me a warm glow for simpler times. Half of me (OK, maybe a third) thinks it might be better for us to just drop apostrophes from the language altogether - they seem to be one of those things that are misused more often than they are used correctly (cf. the "Four apostrophes of the apocalypse" meme).

      I meant to mention, this is quite a brave move from Patrick - it's become painfully clear to me, through the range of stuff I've published in the last couple of years, that fiction is WAY less popular than RPG content (and commands a far lower price-point). There is a huge market of people out there willing to throw large amounts of money at anything gaming-related, I can't think of many other fields that have quite such a large and profligate fan base.

      PS, if you're a fan of correct spelling and grammar, you're going to HATE the next book I'm publishing 😁 https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dansumption/how-to-be-bozz

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  8. Are artists really bound to the same laws as mortal man?

    Writing fiction is damn hard unless you have a knack for it, or the masochistic nature that forces you to try your hand. I can only speak for myself, but I have never harbored a secret desire to be a novelist. I have some (small, minuscule) talent for writing hackneyed game material. But I don't aspire to being some great "teller of tales;" that a completely different medium (IMO) and a different form of artistic expression (again, IMO).

    Best of luck to Patrick, though. I sincerely hope it does well!

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  9. Having been accused of "failed novelist syndrome" by a certain reviewer, I get it. But since most of my adventures clock in at around 5 pages, I consider a novel to be a low risk.

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  10. You know, while we're on this topic, Jeff, *if that is your real name*, it's spelled "Pharaoh". I imagine the sorrow of the Ghost Pharaoh came about because you evidently can't get this right.

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