“I quite realised” said Columbus,
“That the Earth was not a rhombus
But I am a little annoyed
To find it an oblate spheroid”
And
It only irritated Brahms
To tickle him under the arms
What really helped him to compose
Was to be stroked on the nose
Once you've started composing clerihews it's really difficult to stop yourself. For some reason last night while I was waiting for the missus to get ready to go out I started writing D&D-related ones. I was going to say I apologise if you've already seen some of these on G+...but actually fuck you, I apologise for nothing.
Beholders
Do not have any shoulders
But when push comes to squeeze
What they really long for is knees
Ixitxachitl
Love a tickle
But what gives their lives spice
Is human sacrifice
"Dragon"
Rhymes with "flagon" and "wagon"
That's about it
For clerihews they're shit
Aquatic elves
Like to pleasure themselves
With special breeds of sharks
Which attach to their private parts
What is weird
About a duergar's beard
Is its grey hue
And its smell of dried poo
Elminster
Dated elderly spinsters
And got himself written into their wills
In order to pay the bills
Water weirds
Are feared
For causing palavas
At swimming galas
Vrocks
Are uncomfortable in frocks
But get one in a muumuu
And it'll be a great hit amongst the glabrezu
(I genuinely do apologise for that one.)
A centaur
Will snore
And dream
When on ketamine
Gandalf the Grey
Said "Hey,
"Has anyone seen my staff?"
Saruman had hidden it for a laugh
Drizzt Do'Urden
Was certain
That at the sight of his scimitar Legolas
Was jealous
That's enough D&D clerihews for today I think.
“That the Earth was not a rhombus
But I am a little annoyed
To find it an oblate spheroid”
And
It only irritated Brahms
To tickle him under the arms
What really helped him to compose
Was to be stroked on the nose
Once you've started composing clerihews it's really difficult to stop yourself. For some reason last night while I was waiting for the missus to get ready to go out I started writing D&D-related ones. I was going to say I apologise if you've already seen some of these on G+...but actually fuck you, I apologise for nothing.
Beholders
Do not have any shoulders
But when push comes to squeeze
What they really long for is knees
Ixitxachitl
Love a tickle
But what gives their lives spice
Is human sacrifice
"Dragon"
Rhymes with "flagon" and "wagon"
That's about it
For clerihews they're shit
Aquatic elves
Like to pleasure themselves
With special breeds of sharks
Which attach to their private parts
What is weird
About a duergar's beard
Is its grey hue
And its smell of dried poo
Elminster
Dated elderly spinsters
And got himself written into their wills
In order to pay the bills
Water weirds
Are feared
For causing palavas
At swimming galas
Vrocks
Are uncomfortable in frocks
But get one in a muumuu
And it'll be a great hit amongst the glabrezu
(I genuinely do apologise for that one.)
A centaur
Will snore
And dream
When on ketamine
Gandalf the Grey
Said "Hey,
"Has anyone seen my staff?"
Saruman had hidden it for a laugh
Drizzt Do'Urden
Was certain
That at the sight of his scimitar Legolas
Was jealous
That's enough D&D clerihews for today I think.
That wily Elminster.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about dragons,
ReplyDeleteIs that they're afraid of Bilbo Baggins.
Just look at the dragon Smaug
(So says Bilbo on his blog).